Photography 101

I was browsing my friends' blogs yesterday when I came across Aldwin's new post. I was really amazed at the beautiful photos of gumamelas! The clearly focused suject with the blurred background is the effect I wanna capture in my Cybie (my Sony camera), but no matter how many times people explain the aperture/light/blabla thingy to me, it just won't sink in :(
I then had a mental note to ask Alds again about setting up Cybie. It had a weird effect on me though... I guess this camera thing went to my subconscious. I had this weird dream last night: the NEC people went on an underwater cave boat trip. Along the way, Alds was giving me "artsy-fartsy" photography pointers on the lighting and angles. As he was discussing the aperture, he was telling me focus on Hunnypot and adjust the other thingamajigs on Cybie so the cave walls will be blurred. Suddenly, he started asking me if I can focus on the things behind Che O_o I remember him saying, "Kita mo yung haze sa likod ng Hunny? You can't see that normally, but having these settings on your cam, you now can." All of a sudden he was teaching me how to take picture of ghosts!!!! The weird part is, everything he says appears on Cybie's LCD! ("See that girl floating near that rock formation? Her face shows up clearly from this angle.") I was begging him to stop teaching me but I still find myself capturing the ghosts' sullen faces... X_X

When my mom roused me from my sleep at around 8 am this morning I was more than happy to take a shower to shake off the mental images. I don't think I'll be using Cybie at night any time soon :(

Angel...

I recently loaded new songs into my trusty MP3 player (I usually have the same songs for weeks until I get tired of them). This time, instead upbeat dance songs, I have contemporary band music and mellow love songs. On my way to work, I got to listen to Robbie Williams' "Angel". The chorus really stuck in my mind... it made me realize how much I'm missing Mike, and how I long to be with him at that very moment.

Here's my version of the song's chorus (Of course, I changed the pronouns :P) :

And through it all
He offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
He won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I'm very thankful that you came into my life, By. Others may think poorly of you, because their shallow minds can only come up with shallow reasons. Maybe because you smoke? Maybe because it took you a while to get to where you are now? I don't know. I also don't care. But, just like the song says, the unconditional love is always in both of us.

Unlike before where we can spend the entire day for the whole week together, we're now limited to just half a day per week. It makes me feel weak digesting this realization, but I don't have anything else to do but live with it. For now, I can only look at the positive side of things: we can focus on our careers, we can look forward to each nightly phonecall, we will be smiling wider whenever we get a text from each other, and we will appreciate each moment we spend together, knowing that the next time we'll be able to hold hands again is next week.

You are not perfect; well, so am I. One thing's for sure though: we are perfect for each other.

I miss you so much, Mike. Can't wait to see you this Saturday :)

On Valentine's and freeloaders

I've heard somewhere that the funeraria business booms when most people are supposed to be celebrating -- on Christmas, on New Year, on Mothers'/Fathers' Day, and yes, especially on Valentine's day. Just because the world is celebrating does not mean everyone is happy. I'll tell you why.

Just this morning, I had this urge to lash out at our neighbor who used our phone. He was sort of elderly, and I swear, their family really has no shame going to our house almost everyday so they can use the phone. They're not very discreet either. At first, they would shout "Aling LITA!!!" till my mom opens the gate for them. When they actually use the phone, they absolutely make no effort whatsoever to lower their voices. What the hell? Stores with payphones are just a few houses away, but here you are using the phone for free, yet you don't have the decency not to wake up everybody in the house? Grrrr....
To make things worse, when I was about to head out of the house, the stupid freeloader exclaimed, "Uy, ang taba ni Tintin o!!" GAGO!!! I pay the bills here, you stupid bastard!!! It's one thing to be concerned (like you know, you want the person to know she should start dieting), but man, have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?! Some people think they deserve respect just because they're old. Geez.

Last night my brother and his friends were drowning themselves in gin. This would have been fine by me, except for two reasons:
1) they were noisy, so it was hard to sleep (I have work the next day) and
2) my brother was forced to take leave. Without pay.
COME ON!! Geez!!!! He doesn't have enough money as it is, yet he has the nerve to spend whatever he has on something as meaningless and useless as gin. Give me a break. He doesn't even contribute in paying the bills at home, and he has two mouths to feed. What exactly does he expect? Everything to be given to him on a silver platter? GRRRRRRRR! I am so angry for words -_-;

So.. back to the Valentine's thing. This certainly is not a Happy Hearts day for me. It's actually annoying me seeing other women with flowers. Not because I greet you "happy valentine's day" does not mean I am actually happy.

This day is SOOO not going well.

birthday blogthing thingy

Your Birthdate: October 8

Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Naku ha.. wish ko lang :D

leave me alone

If I could just go to an empty island and stay there, alone and undisturbed, even for only two days, I think I can have my sanity back.

I am so sick of my redundant, endless and pathetic problems. ALL I WANT IS PEACE. Silence. Solitude.

*sigh*

I am so angry I can't even shout.
So sad I can't even cry.
So desperate I can't even reach out for help.

Now I know why some people choose to end their lives.